When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
