Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
