I feel like abortions should bother me more
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
