Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
