What did we do last night that was yellow?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize