Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
