Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
