I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
