If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
