Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
