So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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