My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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