I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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