im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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