$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
