I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
