Pants 0. Shit 1.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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