fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I deserve this hangover.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
