I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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