some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
birth control should be required to get into college
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
