I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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