i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
