Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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