I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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