If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
