i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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