wanna go halves on a baby?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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