Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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