I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
These tits shall not be calmed
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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