is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
