in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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