Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
