I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
