It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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