you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
