How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
