MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
