i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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