MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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