I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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