as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
