ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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