That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
