so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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