Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
