i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
