Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
