my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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