He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You ruined the universe
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
