Little spoons don't ask big questions
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
