So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
