What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
