Reggie can tackle my bush.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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