i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
