drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You've changed since you got that strap on
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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