Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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