is your mom at the bar?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize