Your face is a jimmy john
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
