I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
