You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
