WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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