Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
