laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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