YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
