I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
