if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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