If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
