Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
