Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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