Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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