I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i believe in u and ur pee
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